The liturgy of Yom Kippur felt much more pronounced and real this year than perhaps in years past. As we stood and chanted “mi yihiyeh,” who shall live and “mi yamut,” who shall die, our minds could not help but turn to the tragedy that happened in our own back yard. Mitchell Heisman, a 35-year old Jewish Somerville resident, took his own life on the steps leading up to Harvard’s Memorial Church, the site of Harvard Hillel’s Reform Minyan Yom Kippur services. On a beautiful Saturday morning, as we proceeded through the rituals of Judaism’s most holy day, we were shaken from the beauty of the world around us, and a glimpse of human tragedy and suffering was revealed.
It is unclear from news reports how affiliated Mitchell was with the Jewish community. A quick glance through his 1900 page suicide note does reveal that he did view himself as a Jew and that this element of his identity played a seminal role in his formation. The question though of whether Mitchell was affiliated or not is a red herring.
The Torah in Deuteronomy 21 commands a peculiar ritual upon the discovery of an unidentified corpse near one’s city. The leaders of that city are meant to both declare their innocence in the person’s death and to ask forgiveness from G-d for the murder that occurred. How are both possible? If the community is innocent, why ask for forgiveness; and if the community is not innocent, why declare its innocence? The Torah teaches us that as a community we are collectively responsible for the welfare of those amongst us. We may be factually innocent from the death of that particular person, but that does not exonerate us from the collective responsibility; and we, as a Jewish community, must seize this moment and take stock of our preparedness.
Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski in his 1997 book “Getting Up When You’re Down” asks a fundamental question in his introduction: “What need is there for a book on depression in the Jewish family? Are there books on arthritis amongst Jews, or pneumonia among Jews?” The unfortunate reality is that mental illness, as Dr. Twerski explains, is “shrouded in a cloud of suspicion, secrecy and even shanda (shame).” This cloud obscures our ability to effectively reach out to those most in need. Perhaps the greatest tragedy is that the cloud is all too often only lifted once the suicide has happened.
The magazine of the Orthodox Union, Jewish Action, carried a groundbreaking article by Rabbi Nathaniel Helfgot in 2001, “Dimensions – A Young Man’s Story of Torment: Surviving Depression.” Rabbi Helfgot is a world renowned educator, author of several books and a public intellectual in the Modern Orthodox Jewish community. He went through a period of major depression in the ’90s and shared his story to help further open the Jewish community. He poignantly writes the following:
“Every few years, one reads in the newspaper of the frum boy who jumps off the George Washington Bridge or of the successful frum lawyer who shoots himself in the head, or the young adolescent yeshivah girl who runs away from home, never to be heard from again. And I sit and wonder, could these people have been helped before they reached the point of no return? Would they have felt less shame turning to someone if the community had created a culture where mental illness was not ‘someone’s fault’ or reflective of a personal flaw, but a disease to be treated and discussed in the same way and with the same empathy that one speaks of kidney disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure?”
We need to work tirelessly toward cultivating a greater atmosphere of loving concern and care amongst our community members. There is a fine line between gentle concern and “being nosy,” but simply being on the lookout for those who exist on the fringes of our community is a big step forward. Dr. Rosalynn Carter in her work “Helping Someone with Mental Illness” highlights several of the warning signs for mental illness, such as marked personality change; confused thinking; apathy; withdrawal from community; thinking or talking about suicide; or anger and hostility that is out of proportion to a situation. People exhibiting any or all of these symptoms need to be reached out to and proactively included in the community. Most importantly, they should not be kept a secret. Let a rabbi know what you have observed and hopefully a rabbi will be able to assist the person in finding a competent mental health practitioner.
The disorientation and shock we experienced on the tragic suicide of Mitchell Heisman should be the catalyst for a transformation in our communal perception of mental illness. The clouds that obscure our view of those most in need should be lifted, and those who exist on the fringes of our communities should be embraced with an open heart and open arms.
