Yaakov is on the verge of reuniting with his brother for the first time in years. By all accounts this is not to be a joyous occasion. Immediately after securing the firstborn blessing from their dying father, Yaakov flees into exile from his home and from his elder brother. It is only now as he seeks to return to his family and to his land that he must reckon with his brother, Esav. Will there be warfare? Will they both be able to put their past grievances behind them and turn a new page? These are the questions that must have been flashing through Yaakov's mind as he prepared for their imminent meeting.
It is in the midst of all the preparations for their reunion that Yaakov stops and prays. He turns to God and asks for help in overcoming this last challenge between him and his home. It is within that prayer that we uncover remarkable language that can play a truly transforming role in our lives. "I have become small from all the kindnesses and from all the truth that You have rendered Your servant..." Rav Saadia Gaon (b. 892- d. 942), the prominent Babylonian Geonic figure, offers an interpretation that many others after him have adopted: I am small and insignificant, Yaakov cries out, and thus how am I fit to be deserving of all the kindnesses that You have performed for me?"
The plea that Yaakov utters profoundly shifts the paradigm away from an ego-centric to a God-centric perspective. It is all too easy to see ourselves as the center of our own universes. The reality being that for the vast majority of our lives we are totally consumed with our own needs and objectives. The world operates for us and we do not operate for the world. All too often it is natural to see a goodness that occurs for us to be part of the natural order of things, while any negative action, even an unwanted red traffic light, to be entirely alien and foreign to our perceived way of the order of the world.
When we stop and examine Yaakov's plea, we are confronted with a real challenge. Yes, it is true that we must take care of our own needs. There is a Jewish value to making sure one does not abandon themselves. However, it is beneficial to have times where we step outside ourselves and move our position in our ordered universe from the center to a more peripheral position. Doing so allows us to take a broader, more balcony driven perspective on the world and is a healthy action to do regularly.
Yaakov in what to him was perhaps one of the most frightening and difficult periods in his life, stops and considers how small he truly is within the grand scheme of God's universe and from that place of smallness seeks God's help and indeed receives it.
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